Miss you love

written last March.. another fic left unposted.. hehehe

             You are out of the country again. This time it has been more than a month. I’m already so used of you leaving but I wonder why it’s harder this time. With more than two years of being together, I cannot count how many times I’ve helped you packed your bags. It’s really hard when you have to go but you always assure me that you’ll take care of yourself and that you’ll terribly miss me.  I never send you to the airport because it’s harder for me. I‘ll just say goodbye to you at home and lock myself in our room after you leave.

There are a lot of things I miss when you’re away. Well actually missing you would be an understatement. I miss the way you huskily say good morning as we wake up. I miss how you would stare at me and tell me how much you love me. I miss the silly way you would pull me back to bed demanding for an extra cuddling time.  I miss your tight bear hug before I leave the bed to prepare our breakfast.  Even when you’re away, I will still set the table for two. I always imagine you sitting there, right in front of me.  I imagine you picking your cereals when I’m too lazy to prepare full breakfast. You’ll threaten to leave me coz I’m neglecting you. I will simply reply that you can leave me anytime. I know a lot of men will be waiting for us to break up so I can be with them. You’ll just glare at me and I will just kiss you to end all the talks.

                I miss the way you watch me prepare for the day ahead. You’d simply sit in our bed, watching me put my make up on and dress up. You won’t talk to me because you know I hate being bothered and I like to concentrate in all my preparations. After I finished, you would approach me and tell me once again how you find me so beautiful. I miss fixing your things. I miss preparing the clothes you would wear for your shows. I miss how you would try everything I would choose and how you would say that I’m the best coordi/wife ever.  That’s the reason why I packed your clothes in pairs so you won’t have trouble matching them up.

                I miss the times you would sneak in our set to visit me. You would send me message and ask me to come out for a moment. I’ll find you waiting in your car with a bag of food for us to share. The PD’s already knew that if I asked to be excused during those times that you’re out there waiting for me. We’ll just share the things you brought, talk for a while and then you’ll leave.  I’ll be back in the set with a silly grin on my face and all the girls will tease me.  

                Being away with you for so long makes me feel and realize how much I love you and need you in my life.  The calls you made at night instead of making me feel better makes me yearn for you more.  I have your favorite shirt tucked on my pillow so I can feel you here beside me. I sleep on your side of the bed so that I could feel like you’re embracing me. I know it’s hard for you too but I know we can pull through this.

And now as I wait for the sunrise with a warm cup of coffee in hand, I can hear a familiar click on the door followed by those familiar footsteps I can recognize anytime.  I can feel you approaching and my heart starts beating so fast.  You wrapped your arms around me and made everything right by saying these three wonderful words…

“Buin, I’m home”

Wishes and More

really cant think of a nice title.. anyways.. after 3 days of  being internetless ( if there's such a word) .. here it goes..

Take my hand
we’ll walk awhile,
we'll talk awhile
Feel my love
Always there beside you

You were standing waiting in the altar and as the music began you turned around and were totally mesmerized at the woman walking down the aisle. She was like an apparition.  Her beauty shining radiantly and you cannot help but again thank God for bringing her into your world.

Flash back 2008

You were waiting for your make believe partner in Jeju Airport. You were so sleepy and just want to go directly to your dorm and hibernate. It’s just so unfortunate that the shoot has to be on the day of your arrival. You saw an approaching car and your heart beat faster. Is she a cute young lady? Or another idol perhaps?  You’re excited to meet her but also nervous in a way. You tried to stay calm and waited patiently. When the car stopped in front of you and saw the woman behind the wheels, you felt your heart stopped for a while.  You have known her for a while and you were simply too star struck that she’s gonna be your wife in the show.

“Annyeong” she greeted you.

And from then on, you knew. You were taken. Completely. Irrevocably smitten.

I love you more than
you'll ever know
I love you more than
you'll ever see
more than my heart could ever show
I love you more than
you'll ever know

During your stint in We got married, a lot of people were speculating that you wouldn’t last. You were even called the awkward couple. What they didn’t know is that behind those awkward moments were the suppressed fondnesses for each other. The first time you played Bogoshipda, you really wanted to impress her. When you promised to learn the whole song while in Japan, you really did try but schedules won’t permit. Singing for her “Dahaengida” was expressing all your feeling towards her. You can still recall how nervous you were presenting to her the five paper cranes you made. The whole time you were burying the cranes in the sand, you were berating yourself why you didn’t prepare something more special. You were serious about the 1000 paper cranes promise so you and your group mates completed the remaining 964 for her birthday. Band aids stayed in all your ten fingers due to paper cuts in folding the cranes. It was all worth it when you saw her reaction after the event you have prepared.

 During your 100 day wedding photo shoot how you wish it’s all for real. Seeing her dressed in that wedding gown, how beautiful she can be, you vowed that one day she’s going to wear that gown again- this time in your own wedding.  You almost hugged the photographer due to happiness when they asked her to give you a kiss.  And when they asked you to do the same, you were actually trying hard to contain yourself. You wanted it badly but you knew she might get offended if you show too much eagerness.

Think of me
and know that I'll believe in you
there’ll always be
this precious time together
With every tear
a love so strong
No words could ever say
a love to last forever

When the time came for you to end the show, you knew in your heart that you won’t let your relationship end there too. So on the last day of shoot, you proposed to her. Although she didn’t give you a yes then, she asked you to just give her some time. You said you’re willing to wait as long as it takes.  After the Goodbye Ji Hu concert for your fans, after months of not seeing each other, you found her waiting in your doorstep. She was wearing a brown hooded jacket, baggy pants; her head down and with a big bouquet of flowers in hand. You ran towards her.  As soon as you reached her, you remove the hoodie covering her face and you were so surprised when you saw tears fell as she said those wonderful words

“Are you still waiting for me? Can I still be your Buin?”

Words cannot express how over whelmed you were so you just took her in your arms and hugged her so tight. This time you’re not willing to let go. You gave her a soul shattering kiss and uttered

“You never need to ask”.

I love you more than
you'll ever see
more than my heart could ever show
I love you more than
you'll ever know

She’s almost at the altar now beside you. When she stopped just a few steps away from you, you cannot help but reached to her and gave her cheek a kiss. Claiming, marking your territory and letting the entire guest know that she’s your woman. She just laughed and said

“Shillang, don’t make a scene. It’s Kyujoong and Yoo bin’s day”.

You just smiled back at her and assisted her towards her place as the matron of honor. It’s so reminiscent of your wedding day. She’s still so beautiful even after 3 years of being married and already 5 months pregnant. Kyujoong gave you a dirty look so you rushed towards him and took the best man’s side. The bride is ready to walk down the aisle so you stayed on your spot but you kept an eye on your beautiful wife the whole ceremony.

During the reception, a lot of people were congratulating you on the coming baby and your happy married life. It’s a feat maintaining a good family life in the entertainment industry. You were surprised that when Kyujoong was asked what his wish is on his wedding day, he said that he wants a life just like what you and Hyejung has. Your wife, tearing up while listening to her brother in law reached for your hand and squeezed it.

After the reception as you were driving on your way home, waiting for the stop light to turn green, you stare at your lovely wife fast asleep in the passenger seat. Her head facing towards you and again you marveled at her beauty. You must have done something good in your past to deserve someone like her. She’s everything you have dreamed of and more. She’s the reason why you work so hard and the source of happiness in your life. You took her hand in yours and whispered in her ears. “I love you Hye Jung. My lovely Hwang buin”. And even in her sleep she answered back whole heartedly “I love you too Shillang, I do. Forever.” 

Someone Like You

Inspired by my now soooo favorite song .. Adele's Someone like you ...raw and unedited.. done during office hours.. hahaha..comments anyone?

“Kim Hyun Joong is now engaged”.

The utensils in your hand fell because of the shocked you receive when you saw the news.  It’s not real right? It’s just gossip. So even if your heart is beating like crazy, you decided to stay and watch the interview.  You were expecting him to laugh and deny it but what you were not prepared for was when he proudly admitted that he’s getting married and even showed the picture of the lucky girl.   You couldn’t help but shed a tear even if you already separated..

Yours was not a typical love story. You were hesitant to join that reality show three years ago. For one, you don’t know who’s going to be your make believe husband. You’re manager prodded you in participating since you need more project and exposures. So off you go even if you are still undecided. When you first met him, you‘re too uncomfortable with your set up. He’s a young idol with a budding career. He’s indifferent and is living in his 4D world. You need to be in charge of the relationship since you’re older. You need to compromise a lot just to make things work out during your stint as a couple.

It didn’t take long before you find yourself falling for him.  You are now fascinated with his 4dness and you can even reply to him wittingly. Your first impression of him as being indifferent changed and now you see him as someone who’s caring. You now look forward to every shooting day and every spare moment you can spend with him. You are not sure of if he’s also feeling the same but it made you so happy when he confessed before your time in WGM ended. So to make the long story short, you fell for him and he caught you. Officially you became a couple.

Since he’s an idol and younger guy-older woman relationship is not so accepted in the business you’re in, you have to keep this as a secret.  Usual couples have dinner dates but you two have to be a 2am couple. You meet in secret every 2am at your favorite club. Instead of watching movies in the theater, you need to find time to rent movies and just watched it in your place or his. When you asked him if it’s not hard for him being in this set up, he just answered that that makes your relationship exciting. He’ll just tell you that in time, when everything else is settled he will announce your relationship to his company. You hang on to this and just keep believing in your love for more than a year.

But just want like the old song goes, some good things never last. He got tired of your set up and you were caught unaware. At first, you thought he just needed space; he needs to have his time away from you. But then you wake up one morning and he’s gone. He drifted away from you. He left with just a simple note. Explaining that he’s not yet ready to settle down and he’s doing this because he knows you deserve someone better. Just like that. He’s gone. You’re alone. You’re world crumbling as the cold of the winter seeps into your broken heart.

You tried your very best to forget him. You frequent clubs and spend time with your girlfriends. It’s so hard pretending you’re okay when your heart is shattered inside. You went on dates but what’s so ironic is that you still look for him in every man you went out with. It useless because you still end up comparing them to him. They can offer you more but the only problem is that they are not him. They are not Kim Hyun Joong. He ruined you for other man. So you decided to just focus on your career and enjoy the company of your friends. You‘ll just take it one step at a time.

It’s been a year now but you are still trying to mend yourself. How long before you completely healed you never know. It’s been hard but you’re trying to move on. Your friends supported you a lot and you’re family has been there too. You were finally able to tell them about the relationship after your break up. And as you watch the news today, saw how happy he is now you can’t help but tell yourself that you need to let go. You will be okay. You can’t help but shed some tears again but vowed that this would be the last time. He’s happy and in time you too will be.

Never mind I'll find someone like you.

I wish nothing but the best for you too..

Dont forget me I beg

I remember you said..

"Sometimes it last in love,

but sometimes it hurts instead..